Has casual sex had a bad reputation? Or are we all just getting a little more comfortable talking about such mundane things in our modern, hookup-focused world? Take our quiz to find out where you stand on casual sex.
Relationship expert Whitney Wolfe, PsyD, agrees. She says casual sex and porn lead people to seek stimulation that they’re not actually after in a relationship. In fact, she says it can even be a sign that a person needs more stimulation in his or her life. I get why people think that. But for all the stress and anxiety these guys go through to hook up — emotionally and physically, I’ve found that sometimes, they like knowing that they can. They really get off on the novelty of it, the idea of being a slut — or at least a part of a slutty culture. So I think it’s more about self-esteem than about the actual physical act.
Although it might not be uncommon to think of “sexual” and “casual” as being polar opposites, it turns out, they’re more aligned than many of us may realize. After all, who wants to talk about something they’re not comfortable doing? Yet, there are benefits to that sort of policy. One of which is that getting to know someone intimately is a great way to work on your own life.
So how can you balance the pressure of casual sex with the need to protect your long-term relationships? Start by talking about your own goals and feelings in advance.
“It depends on whether you want casual sex to be a thing, or part of your future,” says Karen, a 34-year-old British writer living in Los Angeles. “I’ve seen the change and it’s really strange, like dating used to mean so much more than you’d have a one-night stand but now it’s been completely normalized.” But still, she is able to see the benefits of using Tinder in a way that’s more emotionally-charged.
“I talk about how I want my hookups to be meaningful in the future, and I want to get to know the person before I sleep with them,” she says. I find it’s important to talk about it beforehand. You can communicate that you just want to have fun on the app, it shouldn’t be an obligation to sleep with the person, or that you’re only interested in a hookup if you can fall in love.”
Although sex is consensual, there are still emotional and physical consequences. For women in
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Happn grew from the idea that the perfect Tinder match is a ready-made sexual partner. The app, which launched in 2018, has been used for more than 30 million hookups since its launch. Its founders, Sean Rad and Jeremy Liew, told The New York Times that the app is focused on “disrupting the status quo.” The service “allows users to connect with each other in a more satisfying way by eliminating the digression of starting a conversation,” according to the Times. A new study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine aimed to find out exactly how many people are using this high-tech hookup tool. “Our results showed that the median number of hookups per user in the last six months was 2.8,” the researchers found. Not great for long-term relationships, but for older women who still desire some sexual activity and are not single parents, age doesn’t have to mean that sex has slowed, or even stopped. In fact, women in their late 40s and 50s can still have a romance and a good, swinging sex life. Since the App Store opened up, no app has been responsible for more people getting laid than “Coffee Meets Bagel.” Whether you’re single, dating, or just curious, this is your new go-to app for finding a local match. There’s no need to download anything, or even check your phone for suspicious messages. Coffee Meets Bagel connects you with people within a 100-mile radius, so you can meet up for a local coffee, and see who’s home. After that, the app sends you little notifications when your matches are in your area. More sophisticated matching algorithms help you find folks based on compatibility, and even answer all your questions in a personal note when you first chat. The best thing to know about the app is that it’s free to use — there are no charges for using Coffee Meets Bagel. It makes finding someone easy because the matches that you find are automatically checked for their phone number and credit card before you add them to your “Bagel Book.” Even if they don’t match your desired profile, you can still add them to your “Bagel Book” to search for other types of dating within the app. All that’s left to do is have a good cup of coffee, and someone with similar interests can be just as, or even more, attractive than a specific match. By not adding any money
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