Self-respect before love
And if someone wants to have sex with you before you’re even sure you like them? That’s okay, as long as you’re entering the situation with your eyes wide open. You can date someone knowing you want sex, but still having reasonable assurance in your mind that your feelings are more than just the possibility for hookup.
“Alcohol, drugs, and dating apps can all get in the way of building meaningful connections,” says Jessica Fordham, M.D., a clinical psychologist based in Atlanta. That’s why it’s crucial to approach casual sex with a high level of self-respect. Here are a few tips Fordham recommends:
1. Only have sex when you truly want it.
We’ve already established that casual sex isn’t always positive, but it’s a no-brainer to eliminate the possibility of it backfiring by avoiding sex altogether. You’ll never know if you’re truly interested in someone unless you ask. “Intimacy is something you share,” says Fordham. “And making the choice to open up and share yourself with someone is something you definitely should be able to take back at any time.”
2. Don’t be dependent on a third party.
A number of studies have shown that hookup culture is bad news for women who don’t have the financial resources to pursue a career. A low-wage job is one of the primary reasons casual sex is on the rise; it leaves women no choice but to give up on their professional aspirations to focus on financial security, says Fordham. If you find yourself in this situation, make sure to seek support. One of the best-rated community support networks is resesprial.org.
3. Never make sex too difficult.
“We live in an era where casual sex has been OK’d because, many people argue, the easy access has made it even sexier,” Fordham says. “But a lot of that sexual tension comes from people feeling safe enough to try something new and exciting.” It’s good to go in with an open mind, but once you’re in bed, make sure to have fun and express your needs. It’s nothing to take lightly — and it should always be about pleasure.
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centerfolds blog
Nope! Casual sex will never be a bad idea for you — unless it goes horribly wrong. The thing is, if you’ve got a roomful of people crowded around a showy “Beach Blanket Bingo” board and you invite just one other person to come in and play, you’re going to lose. Be careful that you don’t keep inviting people in and out of your casual booty calls — it could make for a night of drinking and mediocre sex with some mixed feelings. But if that’s what you want, why not make it as easy and happy for you as possible? There are casual sex dating apps that help you connect with others with the same desires and passions as you — whether you’re looking for someone to ease your loneliness at a club or you’re an in-the-moment person who just wants to find some one to bang tonight. First, try a dating app that is specifically for the sexual minority — LGBTQ people, for example, have a whole other set of terms and phrases for their partners and lovers. We’re not saying that everyone on those dating apps have to be in the same situation as you are, but it’s a matter of familiarity and comfort. Match.com has gay app offerings, and if you’re of the sex-seeking male persuasion, you’ll especially want to take advantage of this app. Then, if you’re looking for something different, why not just match with friends? Sure, you may have to go through the whole disclosure thing, but it can’t be worse than fending off the advances of people you don’t know. Think about it: you have a bunch of friends on the app. The people you know socially will be your best friends when it comes to sexual choices and doing it well. They’re like your wingmen on a college party. You’re going to hook up with them more often than someone you don’t know well. If you’re going to try one of these apps, no matter what the reaction is from your friends or loved ones, do your best to not take it personally. You want to be nice to these people and be happy with the result, not have a guilty conscience when telling them. But sometimes we overthink things, and we need to reassess our priorities before going after a casual relationship. Don’t be too surprised if you feel something less than romantic, and don’t be worried about what other people think about your decision to have casual sex. You deserve to feel free,
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